Sad. The day I have been dreading is fast approaching. My very closest friend is moving away. It has been a tough week and it is only going to get harder. I have done a very good job of putting on a happy face though. I never act sad or discouraged when I am around them and I try to talk about all the great things they are going to get to do once they move. We talk about when I will come visit and all that jazz, but it just isn't the same.

Now, I will always have my family. Don't get me wrong. I love them with my whole heart. I would not trade them for anything. Families always keep in touch, no matter the distance.

Friends however, will the same be true. My friend has been such a major influence in my life. I spend much of my time with her and now, that is gone. It will never be the same. It totally and completely breaks my heart to know that, in 5 days, they will be gone. Ugh!! I really hope I can stay strong until they drive off. I want to leave them with only smiles to remember. But I am just so sad!

I hate change! People move, people die, jobs change. WHY?! I do not handle this stuff well.

Ok, another late night post and I am overly emotional so I am going to hit the hay. :)

I don't get. I just don't get it. Why is it that when you really, really want something, God keeps you from getting and then, when you don't care if you get it, you get it?! I just don't understand. Prepare yourselves, this is the coming from the heart of a single woman who has had it to her ears with rejection.

I was so in love with a guy. Oh, he was great. I called him, he called me. I would go to visit him and we would go swing dancing. When him and I danced, people watched. We had such a good time together. He had a thing with his nose where there was always a booger hanging out but I cared about him enough to over look that and let him know it was there. Now, if that isn't love, then I don't know what is. Well, obviously I don't know what it is. He started to call me because he really liked this one girl and she did not like him. He would never tell me her name but called me all the time to talk about her. He described her to me once and the description fitted me to a T. Well, it apparently was not me he liked.

I have not talked to him since October 2006. Kinda lame that I know the exact month huh? I was just so angry at him. I drove all the way to the twin cities in hopes to see him. I called him and told him where I would be and that our friends would be there. He said he would meet up with us but never showed. It hurt, a lot. I drive for 4 hours to see him and he cannot drive 20 minutes to meet up and see me?! We haven't talked since then.

It hurts. I really like him. I have tried liking other guys but I am constantly rejected. I have been thinking of putting together a questionaire. When a guy rejects me, he has to fill it out and tell me what I did wrong. Ok, maybe I am bordering on the line of psycho. :)

Ugh! People tell me that if I stop looking for it, then I will get it. Why can't I have it when I am looking for it? What is so wrong about that?!

Ok, it is late and I am exasperated so I am going to go to sleep.

I am alone
Here I will stay
In my home
Here I will lay
Rejected by love
Broken and shy
No light from above
But I won't die

Ah. The violin. It can be soothing and relaxing. It can make a person forget worries and be content with things in life. It is graceful and lovely. It makes me calm when I hear it. It inspires and excites. The violin is a great thing and I want to play it!